A Week at HellMart
by moon.cherry.twilite
Summary: The Cullens along with Jacob get jobs at Wal-Mart. Obviously, it gets hilariously ugly. Rated for lots of...stuff. Totally random!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: While you all wait for my other stuff, I hope this keeps you entertained. Very random.**

I don't own Twilight.

Today was a strange day for the Cullen family. Edward's band broke up, and Rosalie's internship at the hospital's maternity ward ended. When Carlisle walked in he saw Emmett reading a news paper. Emmet and Bella really never had job qualifications, anyway.

"Am I in the right universe?" Carlisle asked.

"What?" Emmett asked with a confused look on his face.

"You're reading a news paper." Edward pointed out "We've never seen you read a news paper."

Jasper started laughing and Emmett threw a pillow at him.

"Where's Alice?"

"WHY THE HELL ARE YOU BAILING OUT ON ME?" Alice screamed through the phone as she came down the stairs.

She sighed and threw the phone on the chair.

"What wrong?" Esme asked.

"The Lehman Brothers just filed for bankruptcy! I put _all _my money into buying their shares! I can't believe I didn't see that one coming! We're totally broke!" she said exclaimed.

"Good thing Carlisle and Esme still have jobs." Emmett said, not looking away from the news paper.

"Actually, I was thinking, that you kids should get your own jobs."

"What?" They asked him.

"You're all educated enough to support yourselves." Carlisle shrugged.

"I agree," Esme added.

"I'm going to kill you! You two don't even _have_ souls!"

Rosalie started chasing Carlisle around the loft. The chasing stopped when Bella intervened.

"Stop it, you douchebags! God, you're all so stupid. Not to mention hypocrites. I mean, you did this huge thing about how I can't be a vampire, before, because I'll lose my soul,

but if vampires didn't have souls, THEN HOW COULD WE BE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION??"

Every one of them rolled theirs eyes.

"Uh, Bella…" Edward began.

"Shut up, I'm not finished. And even if vampires did lose their souls, what would it matter? Vampires are immortal. Come on, say it with me. VAMPIRES...HAVE...SOULS…"

"OKAY! Either way, we're all unemployed." Jasper said putting his hands on his head.

"We still have Jacob." Bella said nicely, in a total mood swing.

There was a knock on the door and Carlisle opened it.

"Hey guys." Jacob said sadly. "Can I stay here? Leah overthrew me as pack leader, and then my dad kicked me out."

"Shit." Emmett said dryly

"I guess you could stay." Edward said quietly. "But stay away from Bella." he warned.

"I DON'T WANT BELLA!" Jacob burst out in tears. "I WANT MY BED BACK!"

Rosalie gave him a hug, he cried in her arms.

"It's ok." Rosalie said comforting him.

Everyone else looked at each other with disbelief.

"I want it back." Jacob said quietly.

Edward, Alice, Emmett, and Jasper roared with laughter, Bella laughed weakly, and Esme and Carlisle just shook their heads.

"You have to be joking." Alice said laughing.

"It's not funny." Jacob snapped. "I have no life."

"Same here," they all said.

"OH MY GOD!" Emmett said excitingly.

"What?"

"We could work at Wal-Mart…they have openings for Men's wear , Women's wear, Electronics, Toy department, and Deli," he announced.

"Sounds good to me," Bella said.

"Now you guys have jobs," Jasper said putting his feet on the coffee table.

"You're getting a job too, honey." Esme said.

"Dammit."

The next day the Cullens and Jacob went on their interviews and they got the job.

Men's wear- Alice

Women's wear- Jasper

Check out- Jacob

Toys- Bella & Emmett

Electronics- Edward and Rosalie

--

"Welcome to Wal-Mart. I am Kendall, your Manager. Here are your blue vests." Kendall said as she handed them out to each of the Cullens plus Jacob. "You must wear these at all times."

"What if we have to use the bathroom?" Rosalie asked, perfectly aware that they didn't.

"You can still wear them." Kendall said looking at Rosalie like she was crazy.

"Can we have sex with these on?" Jasper asked.

Everyone looked at him funny. Bella was the only one laughing.

"Ok…um that was scary." Kendal said still looking at Jasper. "You are not aloud to have sex anywhere in this building."

"Shit." Bella said.

Edward just looked at her and shook her head.

"Now get to work…oh and I'll be checking on you from time to time." Kendall said walking off.

(Electronics)

Edward began stacking the DVD shelves.

"Blazing Saddles, Pretty Women, Star Wars, and Oh here's a good one Jersey Girl." Edward said sarcastically as he stocked the shelves.

"That movie was shit." Rosalie said.

Edward looked up and Rosalie was standing on the shelf.

"I was just joking." Edward said dryly. "Shouldn't you be over at CDs?

"Oh I forgot." Rosalie said walking away.

"You're going to be fired by the end of the day." Edward said, laughing.

"We all are," she retorted.

A loud crash was heard.

"SHIT!" came Rosalie's voice.

Edward shook his head.

(At the Men's wear)

Alice sat on the stool board out of her mind.

"Why couldn't I work in the Women's wear?" she asked, out loud.

"Excuse ah Miss." A man asked nervously. "Does this shirt look right with these pants?"

He was wearing a yellow flowered shirt with gray pants.

"I think you should wear white pants with that." Alice said smiling.

The man came back smiling.

"How does this look?"

"Great, but one more thing," she said walking up to him. "You really don't need to button your shirt all the way up; it looks like someone is choking you."

Alice fixed him up.

"Thank you very much." The man said smiling.

"No problem."

"My name is Ray."

"Alice."

Ray just smiled at her and she smile back.

(check out)

Jacob sadly put the groceries in the bag; he stopped when he saw a box of Tampax Pearls.

"My former best friend never needed these..." Jacob said, tearing up.

The teenage girl raised her eye brow.

"Why do people shop here?" Jacob asked waving the box tampons around. "Look at the stupid vest I have to wear. Go to Target, it looks nicer."

The girl just stood there.

"GO NOW." Jacob begged.

"I'm never coming here again." The girl said walking off.

"Hi sir welcome to Wal-Mart." Jacob said with a fake smile.

He slowly put the towels in the bag.

"I see you have a house…with a bathroom." Jacob said pointing to the towels.

"Yeah, just bought it last month." The man said with a wide smile.

"Run while you can." Jacob warned.

"What?"

"By next year you're going to be overthrown by your deputy, and then your dad kicks you when he finds out about you being fired, and months later the girl you're in love wit is married to your ex-emo mortal enemy, and force you to marry her underage daughter." Jacob warned.

"I love my house…and my job…and my girlfriend." The man said in a frustrated tone.

Jacob was now crying.

"I hate working at checkout!"

The man walked off.

(Women's wear)

Jasper played with a pocket knife as he sat there doing nothing.

"Excuse me, but does this look right on me?"

Jasper turned around and saw a girl wearing a very tight dress.

"Yeah, if you loose a few pounds. Hit the treadmill, sweets." he said carelessly.

The girl started crying and ran off.

"Some people are so fucking sensitive." Jasper said shaking his head.

"Mr. Hale?" Kendal said walking up to him.

"Yes?" Jasper asked, smiling.

"Did you just tell that girl she was fat?"

"Oh no, I would never do that," Jasper said.

Kendal was now in flirt mode, she got up and put her hand on Jasper's shoulder.

"Has anyone ever told you that smiley faces bring out your eyes?" Kendal said giggling.

"No, but thank you." Jasper said smiling.

Jasper smiled at her and sat back down.

"I'll let you slide this time, but no more calling people fat." She warned Jasper, as his powers began to wear off.

"I promise it won't happen again." Jasper said nicely.

Kendal blew kisses at Jasper as she walked off.

"That girl is crazy." Jasper mumbled, "It had nothing to do with me…I swear!"

(The toys)

"Emmett, stop squirting me with the water gun." Bella said dryly.

"What's got you down?" he asked.

Emmett stopped shelving the Tickle Me Elmo's and looked at her.

"I've gone from being a needy housewife to shelving Barbies."

"I love working here. It reminds me of when I was a kid," Emmett mused.

"When was that? 2 years ago?" Bella asked.

"Shut up." Emmett said throwing a squishy ball at her.

The two laughed.

"Who the hell is this?" Bella wondered, picking up an action figure.

"I think that's the dude from Star Wars." Emmett said, looking at it.

"He looks ugly."

"I think he's kind of hot."

"One of his hands is cut off." Bella pointed out.

"You are so picky." Emmett said laughing.

"How?"

"You wouldn't date him, because he only has one arm?"

"No, I wouldn't date him, because I'm married," Bella justified.

"But what if you weren't?"

"I don't know."

"Just look at him." Emmett said as they observed the Anakin Skywalker action figure.

"He is kind of attractive." Bella said.

"He's gorgeous," Emmett finished.

"Kind of…I guess," Bella said, at last.

"Why are you two drooling over a toy?" Edward asked, walking up to them.

"Aren't you supposed to be over there?" Emmett asked, pointing to the electronics.

"Some one left a skateboard over at the VCR's." Edward said handing it to Bella.

"Where's Rosalie?" Emmett asked.

"She's in the middle of an argument with a 12 year old about The Sugababes being better then Girls Aloud."

"There's no comparison." Bella said laughing.

"Like I said, she's arguing with a 12 year old." Edward said dryly.

**TO BE CONTINUED...IF you review. Lol.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed this. I love you all! Here is chapter 2. As random as ever.**

Chapter 2

(At the Men's wear)

Alice was reading an article about transvestites in _Seventeen_ when Ray came over with flowers.

"Hi, Miss…uh, Alice." Ray said smiling

"Hi Ray. Who are the flowers for?" Alice said laughing.

"They're for you." Ray said handing Alice the flowers.

"That's so sweet." Alice said, taking the flowers.

"Are you busy tonight?"

"What?"

"Would you like to go out with me tonight?" Ray asked again.

"Ray, I'm taken." Alice said nicely.

"Please." Ray begged. "Its not like I want sex…well sex would be nice with a beautiful woman like you."

"Stop right there. Do you have a midget fetish?" Alice asked.

"Miss Alice, if I did, I wouldn't be asking you out." Ray said laughing.

"I'm…um…a legal midget! I'm only 12 years old." she said, with a stroke of inspiration.

"You're funny." Ray said laughing.

Alice shook her head.

"But, YOU HAVE NICE BOOBS." Ray said.

"I just know how to stuff a bra the right way." Alice said.

"What about your ass?"

"Some children are blessed with nice asses….just like my best friend's daughter." Alice said, defensively.

"I'm still in love with you." Ray said getting closer.

"Alice baby, I've been looking all over for you," Emmett said in a high pitched voice.

Emmett wrapped his arms around Alice and started kissing her. Ray slowly backed away.

"You're Miss Alice's boyfriend?"

"I'm screwing her every night." Emmett said licking his lips.

"Oh, behave yourself." Alice said laughing.

"Spank me." Emmett said smacking Alice's butt.

Ray ran off with a hurt look on his face and Emmett let go of Alice and smiled.

"Thanks Em, you're a life saver." Alice said.

"No problem. I'm just glad Jasper and Rose didn't see that," he said

"I DID!" Jacob yelled from across the store.

"Shit." Alice and Emmett said.

"What are you doing over here?" Alice asked.

"I got into an argument with this kid and now I owe him 10." Emmett said.

Alice handed him the money laughing.

(At Women's wear)

"Where the hell is Rose at?" Edward asked himself.

Edward was now cleaning the glass door where the Xbox games were. He turned around to get another paper towel, when he saw a woman bend over.

"How on earth did she fit her ass in those jeans?" he wondered, staring.

He shrugged and continued cleaning.

"Excuse me?"

Edward turned around and it was the woman he had just got through thinking about.

"TANYA?"

"HEY, ED!" Tanya said excitedly, while thinking: _Why is Edward wearing a Wal-Mart vest?_

She gave him a hug, he looked like he was about to crap in his pants.

"What's wrong?" _He couldn't be working here…could he?_

"Nothing ass… I mean _is_ wrong." Edward said nervously. "How is everyone?"

"They're great. How's your family doing?" Tanya asked nicely. _Are they in debt? __Why ELSE would they need to be working in Wal-Mart?_

"Great…we're all working here now."

"And the place hasn't burned down yet?" Tanya teased. _That's so sad. They must be in debt. I'd better not say anything about this._

Edward laughed nervously.

"We'll I have to go."

"Um…ok, tell Kate I said hi."

"Sure, Eddie." Tanya said, walking off. ." _…Still can't believe that he's working in Wal-Mart! Maybe I shouldn't say anything…_

"I can't believe I was staring at Tanya's ass." Edward said with a disgusted look on his face.

(Check out)

Jacob was sitting on the counter talking about his problems to two little old ladies.

"…And then she bit me, and told me to go home...and when I did, my dad said I was useless, and kicked me out!" Jacob said, in between sobs.

"Young man, you are not useless."

"You're attractive and you have a beautiful smile." The other lady said.

Jacob stopped crying and looked at the woman.

"Can I have your number?" he asked in his flirtiest tone.

The old lady handed him her number.

"Lucile, you should be ashamed of yourself for robbing the cradle." the other women said.

"Lucile is a very sexy name." Jacob said kissing her hand.

"You're going to give me a heart attack." Lucile said blushing.

"You've had one before AND you've had a stroke." the other women said dryly.

(At the Women's wear)

Alice was hiding behind a shelf of jeans when Jasper came by.

"JAZZ!" Alice said running over to him.

"Hey, how are you?"

They kissed, and Jasper dragged her into an empty dressing room.

"Mommy? Why are there two people making out in the dressing room across from us?" the little girl asked.

"OH MY GOD!" The women said running off with her daughter.

20 minutes later they came out of the dressing room fixing their clothes. Kendal stood there with her hands on her hips.

"Did I not make it clear enough that there is NO SEX in the store?"

"We are so sorry." Alice said with an embarrassed look on her face.

"I'm not sorry." Jasper mumbled.

"You're fired."

"Me?" Alice asked.

"No, him." Kendal said pointing to Jasper.

"Why me?"

"You said a girl was fat, you had sex in the dressing room, and you've been encouraging customers to flirt with you, despite the fact that you're married." Kendal pointed out.

"What do you mean?" Jasper asked.

"You've been encouraging me to get all touchy-feely with you."

Alice glared at Jasper and walked off.

"Thanks a lot." Jasper snapped.

"Hand over the vest." Kendal said.

Jasper threw the vest at her face.

"My number is in the right pocket." he said, smirking.

**A/N: I guess everyone is going to be fired one by one...lets see where this goes. I'm still not sure.**

**REVIEW.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks again to all the lovely people who reviewed! And now that I think about it...Emmett and Jacob DO seem to be more likely candidates for firing than Jasper...Let's see how that all works out. Well, nobody's getting re-hired anytime, so there's only one thing that can happen.**

Chapter 3

_The next day:_

"Ok guys, yesterday was your first day and I've all ready gotten 50 complaints, so I'm going to start from good to WORSE." Kendal announced.

They looked at each other.

"Miss Brandon, I am very impressed with you, there's only one problem you need to fix," she said, looking at Alice, "…now that we took care of the, er, _situation _with Mr. Hale."

"What's the other problem?"

"Your stalker."

"What stalker?" Bella asked.

"I took care of him." Emmett said winking at Alice.

"Next… Emmett, Ms Swan…I can't have you both playing, so start working. Bella, you're going to take over at the check out counter."

"But it's so fun." Emmett whined, as he dragged himself away. Bella rolled her eyes.

"Anyway…Mr. Masen, I don't see anything you've done wrong and I'm very happy, so you can go back to Electronics now."

Edward smiled and walked out of the room.

"So with all these problems I've decided to change your stations. After your done reading it, I would like Ms. Hale and Mr. Black to stay behind."

Kendal put their new stations on the board:

Bella- Check out

Emmett and Rosalie- Toys

Alice and Edward- Electronics

Everyone left and Rosalie and Jacob sat at Kendal's desk.

"Why isn't my name on the list?" Jacob asked.

"Jake..."

"Jacob." Jacob corrected.

"Jacob, I don't think your stable enough to work."

"What do you mean?" Jacob asked with a confused look on his face.

"You told a girl to go to Target….one of our biggest competitors, you gave a man shitty domestic advice, and seduced my grandmother. All in three days." Kendal pointed out.

"That was your Grandmother?" Jacob asked.

"YES!"

"You need help." Rosalie said, laughing.

"With that said…I'm firing you."

"YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" Jacob said, hopping on to the table.

"Mr. Black, please sit down."

"I can't take this….I'm going to kill myself." Jacob said standing on the table

He began to tie his shirt around a ceiling fan.

"About _time_!!" Rosalie grinned.

"Yeah, not in my office. Kill yourself at home." Kendal informed.

Jacob threw his vest on the ground and walked out the door crying his eyes out.

"Now, Ms. Hale, I want to talk to you about why I changed your position."

"Okay..." Rosalie said slowly.

"Yesterday you broke 7 CD covers, the cash register AND you deleted the stock files for over eighty products."

"So sorry."

"I was thinking about firing you, but you haven't given me that much trouble. Do you think you can work at the toy department without destroying it?"

"Yes." Rosalie said, with a slight smile on her face.

(Check out)

"Hello, sir. Welcome to Wal-Mart." Bella said smiling.

"Bitch." The man said.

"What?" Bella said as her smiled dropped.

"Nothing."

Bella continued to scan his items.

"WHORE!" The man yelled.

"Excuse me?"

"Al Gore….Al Gore is over there."

"No, he's not." Bella said, after looking.

"Stupid bitch."

"Did you just call me a stupid bitch?"

"No...I'm sorry!" The man said nervously.

He began playing with his hands.

"Have a great day…" Bella said looking at him like he was crazy.

He took his groceries.

"GO BACK TO PHEONIX, FUCKER!" The man called, as he walked away.

Bella ran after him. She jumped on the man, knocking him to the ground.

(At the toys)

"Hungry Hippo!" Rosalie squealed, "And Monopoly!"

"Rose? Are you going to continue to name shit, or help me put these G.I. Joe figures on the shelf?" Emmett asked.

"Sorry."

Rosalie started helping him.

"You want to know a secret?" Emmett asked.

"Sure."

"You have to promise not to laugh."

"It's me! Of course I promise."

"I use to play with Barbie's when I was little." Emmett said below a whisper.

"Oh God." Rosalie said laughing.

"You promised." Emmett said sadly.

"I'm sorry, but picturing Emmett Cullen playing with Barbies is very amusing. I didn't even know that they were around in the 1940's!" Rosalie said, laughing.

Emmett was about to say something when they both saw people rushing to the front of the store.

(Electronics)

"I have never seen so many movies in my life." Alice said.

"I love it." Edward said laughing.

"Never heard of this one before." Alice said picking up a movie, with a pale, bronze-haired man embracing a young brunette on the cover.

"When you can live forever, what do you live for? ...A teenage girl risks everything when she falls in love with…a vampire?!" Edward read, disbelievingly off the back.

The two looked at each other.

"We should check this out some time." Alice said.

"I'm not into films which mock vampires…and look at that dude hugging the girl. His expression is ridiculous!"

"He looks kinda like you, Ed."

Before Edward could say anything a group of people began to run to the front of the store.

"Some girl is kicking this guy's ass!" one of them screamed.

(Checkout)

"FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!" Yelled the customers.

The three of them ran to the check out and found Bella beating the shit out of some guy. Edward pushed past the people and dragged her away.

"What the hell is going on!?" Emmett asked.

"I don't know." The man said innocently.

Alice helped the man up.

"ALBINO FREEEEEAK!" The man yelled to Edward.

"HEY!" Edward said, sounding offended.

"I'm so sorry if I offended you." The man said.

"I think he's bipolar." Rosalie said.

"Maybe the two of you are related." Alice teased.

They started laughing, while Bella shoved her middle finger in the guy's face.

"I WANT THE FIVE OF YOU IN MY OFFICE _NOW_." Kendal said, shoving past the hordes of people who were watching the exchange.

(in the office)

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT, MS SWAN?"

Bella explained the whole story to Kendal.

"I knew he had a problem," Jasper said.

"Mr. Hale? You don't work here anymore. What do you want?" Kendal asked.

"I wanted to hear the story."

"You're supposed to be babysitting Jacob," Rosalie reminded.

"I had to leave, because he was making me sick."

Everyone shook their heads.

"Miss Swan, I'm sorry, but I have to fire you." Kendal said.

Bella laughed sourly as she walked out the door.

**A/N: I know that vampires don't break stuff by accident, but I have a feeling that Rosalie would get a kick out of trashing Wal-Mart products.  
**

**REVIEW. And if you want, check out my other story called 'Between the Scenes'. I just finished it.  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Yes, this story used to be called 'A Week at WalMart' but I changed it to 'A Week at HellMart' after reading a review, because it is a lot more apt. Yeah, so...thanks to all of my wonderful reviewers! You guys are amazing! Oh, and a little crazy trivia for anyone who's interested: I haven't lived in a country where Wal-Mart exists for nearly two years! And even when I did, I NEVER went there! I'm a Target fan all the way. In fact, I sort of hate Wal Mart (which must be why I'm making fun of it).**

CHAPTER 4

(In the office)

Rosalie walked in with a huge smile on her face.

"Hello, Ms. Hale. What brings you here?" Kendal asked.

"I quit."

"What?" Kendal asked in shock.

"I quit. I got my old job back." Rosalie said, handing Kendal the vest.

"Good for you."

Rosalie walked toward the door and Alice ran after her.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm getting out of this bitch!" Rosalie said happily.

(At the toys)

Emmett was restocking a shelf of plastic guns when a little girl kicked him in the leg.

"Hey!"

"You look like a girl." The little rude girl said.

"Do not." Emmett said.

"Do too."

"Do NOT."

"DO TOO." The girl said louder.

"Well….you're a bitch." Emmett hissed.

The little girls jaw dropped. She kicked him in the nuts and he fell to the ground, once he was on the ground the little girl started stepping on his face, he pulled her leg and she fell when he got up, he grabbed one of the guns and squashy balls began flying in her face. A woman ran Emmett over with a shopping cart.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM, ASSHOLE?" The woman asked.

"Mommy, that man called me the B word."

"She started it." Emmett whined as her got up off the floor.

The woman grabbed her daughter and stormed off.

"How does it feel getting your ass kicked by a girl?" Edward asked, laughing as he walked towards Emmett.

"You saw..."

"Every bit of it. She was a bitch, but you're the biggest bitch." Edward said.

"Hey!"

"Shut up, bitch."

"Shouldn't you be working?" Emmett asked.

"I'm on break. I thought you might need some help since you're alone."

"Rose is so lucky." Emmett whined.

"Yeah I know. Hopefully someone will return my call and I can go back to playing the piano for elementary schools." Edward said smiling, "I don't think I can work here much longer. I miss playing my songs by the window and looking at the people walking down the street giving me inspiration for a new song." he said.

"I miss watching Top Model and Project Runway reruns all day and making clothes." Alice said as she came up to them.

"I miss…" Emmett began.

"You miss your porn collection….we know." They all started laughing.

"This place is not for us." Alice said.

"Let's go quit." Edward said.

"What? That's boring; I want to go out with a bang." Emmett said with an evil grin.

"How big of a bang, bitch?" Edward asked.

"First we need to call the rest of the gang." Emmett said.

An hour later they all met up in the back of the home and garden area.

"You ready, Bells?" Alice asked.

"Hell, YAH." she said hopping on the skateboard.

"Jacob?"

"I'm ready, baby."

"Rose?"

"Fuck yeah."

"Emmett?"

"I'M LOCKED AND LOADED." Emmett said cocking a water gun.

"Jasper?"

"Yeah, but where's my script?"

"Right here." Alice said, pulling a piece of paper out of her pocket.

"Edward? Did you bring the camera?"

"I got the film ready to roll," he said with a smile.

Everyone went there separate ways.

Jacob ran down the frozen food section stripping off his clothes and screaming sex related things, while Emmett ran down the pharmacy singing 'Dancing Queen!' by ABBA and squirted the women in the feminine products section with food coloring.

Bella and Rosalie started knocking over boxes and popped open potato chip bags everywhere, Alice turned up the TVs and stereos; Jasper got on the intercom and began to do a dead-on imitation of the song 'Emo Kid'.

"IS THIS THE END OF THE WORLD?" A man asked as he ran out the door.

The whole store went crazy. Edward walked around the store emptying bottles of Bacardi and Fuel Vodka over the aisles. Jasper's performance was stopped by Kendal's voice.

"I WANT EVERONE OUT NOW!" She screamed furiously.

(the office)

"I AM HAVING EVERY ONE OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS ARESTED."

"I don't think you want to do that." Alice said as she entered the room.

"Why not?"

"If you call the cops I'm sure they'll arrest you for the pound marijuana in the storage room."

"Whoa! How the hell did you know about that?"

"A mind reader told us." Bella said smiling.

"This is unbelievable." Kendal said.

"We know all your secrets." Edward said in an ominous voice.

"We even know about you joining an anger management class," Jacob added.

"Mr. Black, please put your clothes back on." Kendal begged.

"Does my being half-naked bother you?"

"Psh…" Bella mumbled.

Jacob put his pants and shirt on.

"You're all fired."

"I'm already," he said.

"Me too." Bella and Jasper said.

"I know that." Kendal snapped. "Everyone else, but Ms. Brandon, you're not fired. Ok?"

"Actually, I quit." Alice said.

"Fine…Now all of you GET OUT!"

That was the last time they ever set foot in Wal-Mart. After the prank Wal-Mart banned them and had to rebuild the whole store.

**A/N: There actually happens to be one more chapter. Yes. It's true. But first...  
**

**MUST...HAVE...REVIEWS...**


	5. Epilogue

**A/N: Final chapter! Actually it's more of an epilogue.**

** And, I'd like to thank all my wonderful reviewers again. We've got readers from the USA, Canada, the UK, Australia, Ireland, Germany, India, Brazil, the Philippines, Belgium, Singapore, New Zealand, Puerto Rico, Turkey, Malaysia, Estonia, The Netherlands, Sweden, Mexico, the UAE, Hong Kong, Austria, Guam, and even Indonesia. Thanks so much you guys! If I missed any countries, please let me know.  
**

EPILOGUE:

Everyone walked in the loft laughing their asses off. Edward sat at his piano, Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper sat on the couch, Jacob and Alice sat in chairs, and Bella sat on the coffee table.

"Damn, that was fun." Emmett said.

"As much as I hated that shit hole, I'm going to miss it." Rosalie said softly.

"Are you serious?" Bella asked.

"No."

They laughed.

"I should have the film ready by next week." Edward said.

"I can't wait to watch our destruction." Jacob said.

"Shit!" Alice said looking on the floor.

"What's wrong?" Jasper asked.

"I found the lighter fluid."

"Now you find it." Emmett said dryly.

"What were you going to do with it?" Jacob asked nervously.

"We were going to set the roof on fire!" Alice said.

"Yeah." Bella said excitingly "And scream.."

"THE ROOF…. THE ROOF…. THE ROOF IS ON FIRE WE DON'T NEED NO WATER LET THE MOTHERFUCKER BURN…BURN MOTHER….BURN." Bella and Jasper sang.

"You bitches are crazy." Alice said, giggling.

"Edward? When the hell did you find out about the weed?" Emmett asked.

"The first day, actually."

"How did you know this would happen?" Bella asked.

Everyone else wanted to know the same question.

"Easy…..it's in our nature." Alice said with a smirk. "But, how did you know about the anger management, Jacob?"

"Kendal goes to the same anger management class Leah goes to."

Jacob began crying. Rosalie walked up to him.

"GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF." She said as she smacked him in the face.

Jacob's cries got louder, Emmett held Rosalie back so she wouldn't beat him up.

"Sit down." Edward said firmly.

Rosalie sat next to Alice who was shaking her head.

"Big baby." Rosalie mumbled under her breath.

"Fat blonde bitch." Jacob shot back.

"Ok kids...don't make me put you in timeout." Alice said, rolling her eyes.

Emmett picked up the news paper and began reading it.

"Now what are we going to do?" Jasper said.

"Yeah, Rose is the only one with a job." Bella said.

"And I'm very happy." Rosalie said, smiling.

"Hey, the mall is hiring." Emmett said.

"Let's go." They said as the headed for the door

**A/N: And there you have it. Reviews are love.  
**


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